WILSON, WADE

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BIOGRAPHY

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Deadpool Corps, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on the SHIELD HQ, and I have over 300,000 confirmed kills. I am trained in spontaneous panda warfare and I’m the top sniper in my entire apartment block. You are nothing to me but just another meal ticket. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Murder World, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Arcadenet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of curious Deadpool mutants across the city and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, Colossus. The storm that eats the pathetic little thing you call your chimichanga. Speaking of which, has anybody made Ororo yet?

You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, in any of the n dimensions, and I can probably kill you in over seven ways, and that’s just with my bare ass cheeks. Not only am I extensively trained in semi-armed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Deadpool Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the battleverse, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, you woulda coulda shoulda, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it, and then I'll get Mexicans to fry up your once-minced body parts and flambée it into a lovely Tex-Mex platter that myself, Dr. Bluedong, and that weird bald-headed guy will all enjoy for an evening whilst drinking some mid-range Shiraz and considering the history of our respective authors. You’re fucking dead, bro.

POWERS/ABILITIES

• APEX HEALING FACTOR - An altered variant of Wolverine's healing factor attached itself to Deadpool's cancer during the considerable genetic tampering he underwent in Weapon X facilities. Deadpool can recover from all but the most spectacular of injuries in a matter of seconds, and function without limbs, organs, or even, in some circumstances, an entire body, subsisting solely as a dismembered head. Alongside providing him with immunity to mortal and physical wounding, Wade cannot succumb to disease, telepathic control or infiltration, otherwise-lethal drugs and toxins, and even simply aging.
• FOURTH WALL AWARENESS - Possibly one of Deadpool's more signature traits is his awareness. The fourth wall is nonexistent to Wade, and he is fully aware of the fact that he is a comic book character, now being converted to written form. No more little yellow boxes.
• WEAPON X 2.0 - The primary intended effect of the Weapon X program that Deadpool was a subject for, the majority of his physical attributes have been increased to considerable superhuman levels, though none of his attributes are of massive note in comparison to specialists of those fields. Deadpool can lift roughly 2 tons, run at speeds of up to 40 miles per hour, his reaction time is minimal and his stamina allows him to continue at peak physical condition for days on end, until he gets bored.
• ANGEL OF DEATH - Since his being dragged into Arcade's conglomerate -- as one of the more willing subjects -- Wade has actually been found and drafted by the being who sits now on God's throne -- that is, the God of the Preacher universe, whose corpse now lies at the foot of his old throne. This being, killer of God and Satan alike, once went by the name "The Saint of Killers", and has now deferred his mantle to Deadpool, granting him powers befitting that of the one true Angel of Death. As such, Wade, even if somehow totally obliterated, will be reborn instantly in the Heaven accessed through Sandy Hook in Gotham, and he can also call to his aid flights of Adephi and Seraphi should he get bored enough. If it really ends up being dire, the Saint himself, now an incumbent omnipotent deity, can sometimes come to his aid.

EQUIPMENT

• SHORT-RANGE TELEPORTER - Deadpool's teleporter allows him to, usually for the purpose of memes and surprise attacks, teleport in any direction and for any distance up to around five hundred metres away.
• CARBONADIUM KATANAS - These signature twin blades are Deadpool's calling card, having been once lined with a metal which can temporarily disrupt other mutants' healing factors.
• IMAGE INDUCER - Referred to by Wade as the Disguise-o-Matic 3000, Deadpool can utilise this small widget often kept on his belt to assume the physical identity of anybody whose DNA he may have been in contact with in the past 48 hours.
• HAMMERSPACE SATCHEL - Containing all of Deadpool's fun unlimited weaponry, ammunition, and miscellanea.
• THE RED SUIT - So the bad guys don't see me bleed.